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December 24th, 2007

12:17 am - 2007; in a nutshell.

So as this year comes to a close, here is my take on the past 12 month's. 

I learnt more about myself this year than I ever have at any other point in my life. I may say that every year but every year it seems to ring truer and truer. I learnt that you can't make yourself healthy just by thinking it will happen. You have to take action and actually make a concious effort to eat better and sleep longer. You can't make someone feel something they don't want to. No matter how much you try to push it. The worst possible things always end up to be doors that open to the best moments of your life. People who you never think will hurt you, hurt you. But, the one's who are worth it prove themselves to you in the times they are needed most. Your best friend can become your worst enemy over night. And that no matter how much you want it, thing's DON'T always go your way.

But, I also realized that I have more to offer than I ever thought was possible. I am stronger than I ever knew. I can overcome things I never thought possible before this year. Mono sucks. But, life goes on. Having your heart broken can feel the end of the world. But, then you'll meet someone who makes you realize how worthwhile you are again when you least expect it. Family support is worth more than anything money could buy. 

But, most of all, I learnt to not let the small things get me down. Life is too short to dwell on what can't be changed. Shit happens. Life can be miserable sometimes. But for every crappy moment there is an overwhelimgly amazing moment waiting around the corner to counteract it. The people you think will be in your life forever aren't always and the one's you never expected become huge parts in it. 

All in all 2007 was a learning year. But, I wouldnt change a minute - good or bad. Because in the end, I'm happier and healthier than ever before and that's a beautiful thing that took my whole life to happen.

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August 18th, 2007

01:29 am
So, my life got super complicated. jon and me broke up in the beginning of july..and now we're at a point where we're best friends and back to how we used to be..and its either going to go one of 2 ways. im just not sure what thats gonna be at thsi moment in time..

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April 4th, 2007

11:31 pm
Here's what I figure. I'm not going to listen to people bitch about their lives when no one ever took the time to be there for me when I needed them. Not going to waste my time putting effort in to help when it won't ever come back to me. So everyone needs to get over themselves and let it go.

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March 30th, 2007

09:15 am
*sigh*...this pretty much describes everything.

So I Need You - 3 Doors Down

If you could step into my head, tell me would you still know me.
If you woke in my bed, tell me would still hold me.
Or would you simply let it lie, leaving me to wonder why.
I can't get this out of this head, I call mine. And will you say.

Oh no I can't let you go, my little girl, because you're holding up my world, so I need you.
Your imitation of my walk and the perfect way you talk.
It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you,

So I need you, So I need you, So I need you, So I need you.

And if I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, tell me would still follow me.
And if I made you mad today, tell me would you love me tomorrow?
please. Or would you say that you don't care and then leave me standing here.
Like a fool who is drowing in despair and screamin'.

Oh no I can't let you go, my little girl, because you're holding up my world, so I need you.
Your imitation of my walk and the perfect way you talk.
It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you,

So I need you, So I need you, So I need you, So I need you.

I'm on my own, I'm on my own, I'm on my own.

Oh no I can't let you go, my little girl, because you're holding up my world, so I need you.
Your imitation of my walk and the perfect way you talk.
It's just a couple of the million things that I love about you,

So I need you, So I need you, So I need you, So I need you.

Current Mood: distresseddistressed

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March 19th, 2007

10:55 pm
Time for an emo post...well, just because I can.

I really miss my best friend. I really do. Ever since we both started dating our boyfriends..we are hardly even friends anymore. I remember when we made a pact..and shook on it.. "We will spend at least 1 night a week..if not more together. We won't be like other best friends!"  Well..fuck that. Because...6 months later..as much as I love Jon with all my heart..I no longer have my best friend. She even moved out of our apartment and in with her boyfriend. I told her that I didn't liek him..cause he's a douchebag and she can do a lot better. And it just made EVERYTHING awkward. And for the past 3 months..we have barely talked. I've been like sisters with this girl since the 9th grade. We were living in the same apartment together and spoke on average..2 times a week..if that. We used to spend every day together..doing everything together. And as much as we talk about what's going on, now that she's moved out..it's just not the same. I hate her boyfriend more than anything. We both changed..it just seems like it would never happen to us. Yeah..this is me being emotional and retarded..but fuck it.

I haven't written in about 2 years...quite literally. But I wrote 2 poems this week. One was a love poem..the other me just venting.

For The Love Of My Life.

Kiss my lips and make me see,
That you'll always be here,
I'll always be free.

Touch my hips and I won't ask why,
You've come into my life,
My perfect guy.

Take my hand and lead me along,
Show me I was right,
And prove them all wrong.

Everything makes sense now,
It all just makes sense.
You've changed my lfe more than you know,
What began as friendship had so much more to show.

Hold me close and never let go,
I'm all yours now,
My heart has a new glow.

In our own world that feels so secure,
I'll never leave your side,
I'm always going to be here.

..and me just being emo hahahah

And I wonder;
Do you miss how we used to be,
Like sisters,
So happy and free.

No secrets and silent days,
If I could go back,.
There's so much I would say.

Best friends one day,
The next you don't talk.
I'm sorry to say,
I'm in a state of shock.

I miss how we'd talk all night,
And if we had a problem,
We'd make it right.

I miss knowing you're there,
No matter what,
You'd just always be there.

What happened; where did we go wrong,
I can't think,
So I'll just wrote this song.

I miss everything more than you know,
I better tell you this,
Although it's already starting to show.
Current Mood: blahblah

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March 8th, 2007

03:33 pm - What Goes Around Comes Around.
Not that anyone even uses this thing anymore. But, I still like to write about how things are going..even if it's boring ahaha. As of right now I am moving into a 1 bedroom apartment...just 1 floor up lol. And I'm going back to work on Monday..after basically 2 month's off lol. Gooood times right there let me tell you. I watched my friend Kait get a tattoo yesterday, and a piercing actually. I don't like needles...but it was pretty cool to watch.

Me and Jon watched Borat the other night. I have to say that it was waaaaaaay better in theatres and the first time I watched it. Still funny...but pretty stupid at the same time.

I realized the other day I have grown up so much in the past year. I seriously wouldn't have even imagined living completely on my own this time last year. Now it's all I want. Krista's been gone for about a week now..I dunno. It's lonely but it's nice to have my own space again. 

A lot has changed..but all in all:

I can walk again..so life must be good lol.
Current Location: my computer chair
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Everything

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February 28th, 2007

05:44 pm
Healthwise this year has been horrible. Since the day before New Years I have been incredibly sick. First I had strep, which then turned into mono, got a horrible kidney infection. Almost got sent to the hospital cause of that..then I went back to work after a month. A week later, actually not even..I get strep. And NOW..I have a complication with strep where it's gone into my blood and attacks my legs. I almost went to the emergency room the other day because I couldn't even move my legs without screaming. So hopefully I can be healthy for awhile once this whole thing is done. Cause right now I get thE choice between..laying in bed, sitting on here orrrrrr laying on my couch all day!!!!!!! OMG. what options..what exciting days I will be having for the next little while. I'm so fucking bored it's not even funny. My mom comes and keeps me company, which is nice and I see Jon too..but I'm seriously going crazy with boredom..I wanna go back to work. But I'm not allowed to cause of my legs. Gawwwwd how did this happen lol. Oh well it could be worse..but it still blows. But let me say..I sure do love pain killers now..cause they make me be able to get out of bed!!

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February 7th, 2007

10:55 pm
Pretty much the perfect night. Perfect in every way. Jon and I went out for dinner and talked for awhile. Then we went to the beach and talked more. I realize everyday I'm with him, makes me fall more and more in love with him. 4 month's flew by and it feels like we've been together even longer than that. We never had any awkward beginning of the relationship stuff that alot of people get. I'm dating my best friend who turned into the love of my life. The first person who respects who I am..and doesn't just say that to get some. BAJASHJAJKDFDJHGZ I can't even describe my happiness anymore lol.

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January 18th, 2007

07:17 pm
so no work for a month now..cuz mono blows a big one

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January 13th, 2007

12:30 pm
Update on my life:

I'm more in love than ever.
I either have Mono or a reaction to Peniciilin.
I'm working a shit job.
I have the best friends ever.
I'm with the most amazing boy I've ever met.
I appreicate my family so much more.

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